Tuesday, July 29, 2008

1013

You can't imagine how excited I was for the X-Files movie. I was an X-Phile before it was cool to be an x-phile (okay, okay, it was never cool). I know everything about that show - go ahead, quiz me. I know everyone's birthdates, death dates, licence plate numbers, badge numbers - I know about every storyline, every character, ever bit of black ooze ever conceived of by Chris Carter. My email address is the production company responsible for the creation of the x-files (you always wondered about that, I'm sure).

Oh my stars was that movie bad. I refused to listen to the critics; I put my fingers in my ears, sang quietly to myself and thought "they aren't real fans, they just don't understand the complex nature of the franchise like I do, how could they like it?". Friends, I could not have been more wrong. I suppose there's no point in getting into exactly what all was terrible about this movie, but let me at least pick a few things that I found to be particularly hideous:
  1. No lone gunmen. Yeah, I know, nothing.
  2. Not even the hint of any conspiracy. That's bush league, Carter, bush league!!
  3. I knew what was going on the entire time. There wasn't a single episode where I knew what was going on the entire time, that's not the x-files!! I except to be thoroughly confused and feel slightly dumb.
  4. Skinner had a cameo? Are you kidding me? It was a pointless cameo at that, he didn't even bring anything to the table - not that he had much to work with....
  5. Scully and Mulder - they toyed with the idea of them being together brilliantly for 8 seasons.... then they got together and broke up more times in this movie than I did with my 5th grade boyfriend. Ugh.

I'll bet Krycek is somehow behind all of this....

2 comments:

haddy said...

There is an X files movie out? Geesh. I'm outta the loop I guess.

1013... thank you. I can stop wondering if your birthday is in October. Every year it trips me up. Is it? No. Wait. No.

M*J*C said...

Just don't go running in the woods!!!!