Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Travel apparently makes me angsty

I feel I need a disclaimer. I don't mean for this post to be as bad as it likely reads, and I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just an unexamined part of my life that I'm trying to get a better understanding of... on the web in this most public of forums.... because I hear that's how it's done. ;)

In the past 10 days, I have been in three time zones, five states, six cities and on eight flights. No, I am not touring with Pearl Jam (though Seattle is one of the cities).

I hate traveling (for work) - Yet I've been on the road more than I've been home lately. This thought occurred to me on my 7am flight this morning. Thought I loathe it, i'm now the office road warrior... and much of it is by choice.

It used to be that I refused to travel. When I was in a relationship, I hated being away and would risk much to ensure I wasn't. One of my greatest anxieties has always gone something like this: "I only have a certain number of days on this planet, and no one is promised tomorrow". Therefore, why would I want to waste even one of those numbered days alone in a hotel room when I had so much at home and someone with whom no number of days would ever be enough? It was something I could never reconcile... so I drew a line in the sand and was completely prepared to take a career hit for it. I felt like I had my priorities completely in order.


Needless to say, life is much different now. Whereas I used to hurry home from the airport, or better yet, have a ride waiting for me and more than willing to stop at the Mad Mex nearest the airport for a fantastic reunion meal, now I dwaddle at the airport because I know I'm going home to an empty apartment. Do I mind that? Yes, immensely. But why? I used to love living by myself, and I do have a comfy bed, a loyal, loyal cat and usually a Tivo full of House, Law and Order and M*A*S*H to catch up on. Those are all thing I look forward to. Maybe it's the other things it still takes me away from; last week it was a TNT alumni meeting and a Happy Hour to catch up with my running buddies. This week it is running the lights, one of the greatest parts of the holiday season. I guess that while I appreciate Hugh Laurie and half price drinks, neither of them make me want to rush home from the airport.

So if there is a takeaway in all of this (too many meetings) - I guess it's to try and get excited for the next thing that's going to make me want to stay... which is kind of a cool thought.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

well now, that is thoroughly depressing, and makes me feel like a terrible person...

M*J*C said...

Very interesting...I can totally relate to a lot of your thoughts there. We definitely missed you at the meeting and I know that I will TOTALLY miss you at tonights run. It is exctiting though to think about what the "next thing" will be that makes you not want to leave....
I hope you'll be able to make it to the Turkey Trot!!!

Kendra S-L said...

Thank you for letting me see the newest moving exhibit in Chrisie's Cranium. It is a beautiful museum. It is full of insight. Maybe until this past year, I was sooo happy to travel and get away and just feel untethered, but now I find I'm rushing back from a trip to the mini-mart because I love what's inside of my home right now. But I have to remember that what's in my home right now will benefit from my having a passion for life beyond this home. And that is a very tricky thing to keep in the balance....